How Do You Say Goodbye?

Dear Grandma,

I know you will never read this letter, but I need to write it.

When my mom called me early Monday morning to tell me you had passed away, everything in me wanted to deny it. I know your earthly body was riddled with disease and the years on this earth had taken their toll. But you weren’t supposed to go. Not yet.

We were supposed to be coming to see you today.

You were supposed to greet me as always with your sweet smile and a kiss. You were supposed to tell me how much Lily has grown and how you can’t believe how grown up I am every time you see me.

I was supposed to tell you how I started reading those Mitford books you loved so much and we should have laughed together about Father Tim and all our favorite characters.

I wanted you to tickle my back with your soft hands the way you used to when I was a little girl. I wanted you to tell me again about how you and Grandpa met, how he went to war right after your wedding, and how you ordered a chicken coop from Sears catalog and made it into your very first home. I wanted to get all those memories down, to preserve them.
I loved you so much Grandma, and I know you knew that, but I wanted to tell you one more time.

And yet…I know those are selfish wishes. You are in Heaven, experiencing perfect love, peace, and joy for the first time.

Hands that on earth were plagued with arthritis now grasp Grandpa Roger’s with no pain.  Lungs that struggled to find breath during your last days on earth now easily breathe in celestial air.

And knees, once barely able to bend well enough to walk now bow before the only true God, our Savior.

I cannot possibly express everything God is doing in my heart through your death, but if any one thing stands out is this: the reminder that we are made for eternity. I’m so thankful to say I will see you someday in Heaven and know that it’s not just a platitude I’m saying to make myself feel better.  So many times we get caught up in the trivial and lose sight of the eternal. Thank you for sharpening my focus.

On the way home from your funeral, I told Dave how much I wished I could have said good-bye, but it’s not good-bye…not really. It’s “see you later”.
Thank you for the legacy of faith you left behind – your life made a difference for eternity.

I love you, Grandma,

Amy

"There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else...It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work...All your life an unattainalbe ecstasy has hovered just beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it."

C.S. Lewis

{The Problem of Pain}

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