I Blame Daylight Savings. And Teeth.

Lily is the most reliable alarm clock I’ve ever owned.

Every morning. 7 o’clock. On the nose.

So I was excited about Daylight Savings Time this spring. Because, theoretically, she would “sleep in” until 8 a.m. Maybe just maybe, I thought, we could trick her little biological clock into waking up an hour later.

Do you want to know what time she woke up that Sunday morning?

That’s right.

7 o’clock. On the nose.

Which, in case you don’t remember, actually felt like 6 o’clock. I definitely remembered.

We didn’t tell her about the time change, didn’t put her to bed earlier, didn’t change a thing in her routine, but somehow she knew.

And ever since then her sleep schedule has been all wonky. She hasn’t napped well, has had a hard time getting to sleep at night (probably because it’s still light out) and she’s “reset” her inner alarm clock to SIX-THIRTY.

*sigh*

I thought maybe this week we’d get back to normal, but now Sophia has started in. She’s working on four gigantic molars and has been waking up early from her naps still tired and verrrrry cranky. I can’t say I blame her, I know how bad a toothache can be, and I can’t imagine what it’s like to have four at once.

However.

All of this to say that I’m a little tired myself.

My house is kinda messy, because I haven’t had regular nap times to clean.

And do you know what it’s like to clean your house when your kids are awake? A friend of a friend said that cleaning your house while your kids are awake is like, “trying to brush your teeth while your eating an Oreo.”

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

My floors…my poor floors…are so sticky and I can feel little bits of dirt on the bottoms my feet when I walk.

I hate that.

I’m sorry. I hope you didn’t come here hoping to be inspired by my model of good housekeeping. Just keepin’ it real.

But…you know…I will take short naps and cranky kids over bad attitudes and arguments about boyfriends or makeup or clothing or goodness knows what else is coming my way once we have teenagers in the house!

Let them be little, right?

(But I really do need to go clean my floors)

Happy Wednesday!

All My Single Ladies…

You know that girl that always has a boyfriend? And a dozen other interested guys waiting in the background in case her current relationship falls through?

Yeah…that was never me.

I spent a good 20 years of my life before I met my husband in “the waiting room” if you will. And, granted, many of those years were before I technically reached “dating age”, but I still remember what it felt like.

I wanted to get married.

I wanted to have babies.

I wanted my “real life” to begin.

I feared singleness – or at least the thought of remaining single indefinitely. And I had to get to a point where I was ok with it before God allowed me to begin a relationship with that godly man who eventually became my husband (but that’s a story for another day).

Now that I’m on the other side of things, I’ve thought a lot about the way I spent my time as a single girl.

What advice would I give my 20 year old self, now that I know what it’s like to be married, to have a family, to be in the thick of baby raising.

You hear a lot of moms say something like this…

Enjoy your free time….

Take advantage of your independence…

You can spend your time and money how you please, so enjoy that…

And I think a lot of the time there’s a real push to stay focused on yourself.

I get that.

Believe me, I do. I look back at those times when I *thought* I was busy – HA! How little I knew…

But I think my advice , if I could give it, to my single self, now that I know what I know would be this:

Don’t wait until you are married and have children to practice being a servant.

Because…let’s not romanticize things, here…marriage and child-rearing? Require a lot of service. A lot of giving and often, not a lot of getting.

Becoming a wife and mother has not magically transformed me into an unselfish person. In fact, if anything, it has revealed to me just how self-centered I really am.

I have to be honest, there are days when I feel downright angry inside that my three year old wakes up early from her afternoon nap…because, you know…that cuts into “my” time. It’s sometimes tempting to look back on those “pre-baby” days wistfully when I think about how much time I had all to myself.

But what I’ve come to realize, what God has been reminding me over and over and over with painful clarity is…my time was never my own.

As a Christian, I am called to be a servant of Christ. Period.

Because I have children and a husband, my primary area of service is obvious. I spend a large portion of my days sweeping crumbs and picking up toys and doing laundry and wiping poo (and other equally disgusting stuff). Sure, sometimes I serve in other areas – but generally speaking, “Mom’s” the word.

Someday in what seems right now like a very distant time in the future, my children will grow up and move out and yes, I’ll still be a mom, but in a much different capacity. Today I serve Christ by serving my family. But when the needs of my family have eased, then what?  Have I suddenly lost my sense of purpose just because I am no longer a full time mom?

No. Because my purpose – and yours, if you believe – is not found in my earthly family, it is found in my Heavenly Father. When I serve my family, I am ultimately serving Him.

The truth is, “real life” doesn’t begin when you get married and have kids.  And it doesn’t end when they are grown. Your real life is NOW. Whatever stage of life you are in, God’s got a plan for what He wants you to do with your time.

Are you single? SERVE CHRIST.

Are you married with no children? SERVE CHRIST.

Are you a young mom with lots of littles? SERVE CHRIST.

Are you an empty nester? SERVE CHRIST.

So my advice to my single, childless, 20 something self?

Don’t give in to the lie that focusing on yourself now will somehow make it “easier” to be selfless later on -- as if selfishness is something you can get out of your system. Selfishness begets more selfishness. You won’t get rid of the monster by feeding it, you’ll only make it bigger.

Rather begin today by practicing service. Stop serving yourself. Start serving Christ. And if someday the Lord chooses to bless you with a husband and children? Well, you will have prepared yourself well.

File This Under “Messes I Wish I Didn’t Have to Clean Up”

Two messes, all in the space of the past 24 hours:

1. Yesterday while cleaning up the lunch dishes, Lily ran up to me to tell me that her shirt was dirty, and I had my own “is that poop or chocolate?” moment, a la Baby Mama

Don’t worry. I didn’t taste it. And it’s a good thing I didn’t. I will spare you the details on how it got there. Let’s just say potty training can not be over quickly enough.

and

2. Did you know that it’s not a good idea to leave an almost full, extra large, container of liquid laundy detergent on top of your washing machine without the cap on? Because…hypothetically speaking, you could accidentally put too many towels in the wash at once?

And…hypothetically speaking…your washing machine could become unbalanced and start shaking?

And…still speaking hypothetically, said laundry detergent could fall off of the washing machine and dump itself out all over the floor?

And, listen, I realize this is something of a first world problem, but…seriously…whattamess.

Even after wiping and scrubbing and rinsing and wiping and scrubbing and rinsing approximately 58 bajillion times, there is still a slightly sticky film of detergent on the laundry room floor. I have no idea how many years it will take for that to wear off. At least it smells nice.

And on the plus side, I won’t have to use any laundry detergent to wash our beach towels for the rest of the summer since they mopped up somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 loads worth of laundry detergent. Just add water, suds will follow.

The Covenant That Sustains The Love

As I write this  Dave and I are exactly 3 hours and 32 minutes away from celebrating our sixth year of marriage. And while this last year probably won’t be the hardest we will experience, it certainly was not the easiest.

It has been fraught with all kinds of stress and pressure.

A year of changes.

A year that has tested the bounds of our endurance in nearly every arena – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.

It has also been a year of reflection – for both of us – on marriage.

And – can I just say something? I guess it’s my blog, so I don’t really have to ask,  huh?

It’s just…there’s been something that’s been bugging me…something God has been continually laying on my heart time and time again throughout the past year.

I am getting tired – really, really tired – of this notion of “falling in love” and “finding your soulmate.”

Yeah. I said it.

As if love is some fickle emotion that you have no control over, and as if marriage will be a piece of cake as long as you just “find the right person”.

Please don’t misunderstand me – romance, chemistry, physical attraction – they have their place. They are what initially drew us together and are something we continually seek to keep alive in our marriage.

But this notion – this myth – that sustaining a lifetime commitment to another person somehow hinges on your ability to find “the one”; this idea that finding your “soulmate” is the key to a long and happy marriage?

That’s a lie straight from the pit.

The truth is, we were never meant to find our fulfillment in anyone other than Jesus Christ. And marriage is not intended to be the source of our ultimate happiness, but rather a tool for perfecting our holiness. If you go into it expecting anything else, I promise you, you will be disappointed.

Looking at marriage through the lens of holiness…put marriage in a new perspective for me. In fact, it has led me to believe that couples don't really fall "out of love." I think it's more precise to say they fall out of repentance. What usually happens is that we let little vices— like impatience, disrespect, selfishness, pride, and anger— pollute a once-precious relationship. Instead of letting marriage draw us into holiness, we let it draw us into bitterness and accusation.
Gary Thomas

Suppose I told you that I had just “fallen out of love” with my children. Wouldn’t that sound ridiculous? We would never speak of our love for our children in those terms, why then do we so flippantly apply them to our relationship with our spouse?

Sadly, it is common to hear married people speak of “falling out of love” with their spouse and “falling in love” with someone else in adultery. By using the language of “falling,” people are cleverly avoiding any responsibility, as if they are simply required to follow their heart. However, the Bible tells us not to follow our heart, but rather “guard” it because it is prone toward selfishness and sin .
{Source}

Six years ago, we made a commitment. A covenant. And Lord willing, "as long as we both shall live,” we want that covenant to be “the ground where the flower grows.” We may not always “feel” love, but we will not allow our deceitful, desperately wicked hearts to be our guide.

“It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”
{Dietrich Bonhoeffer}

Lord, let our marriage covenant sustain our love for as many more years as You choose to give us on this earth!

**An just as an aside…contrary to what some of you might be inferring from this blog post, the romance is not dead in our marriage. If I may put it delicately…we still like making babies together

What Was I Saying About Having More Energy Again?

Do you ever have days…or in my case, sometimes weeks…where you wonder what, if any, of the principles you are trying to instill in your children are actually lodging themselves in their precious little heads?

I mean, one day you observe this darling exchange of sharing between your eldest child and her younger sibling and the next thing you know it’s…”No! That’s mine!!!” at the playdate.

One day your two year old is sweetly saying “please” and “thank you” without any prompting and the next she’s screaming, “I WANT A DRINK!” at the top of her lungs from her high chair.

True story.

I swear, some days you could observe my daughter and think, “Gracious, do her parents EVER discipline her?”

We do. I swear to you, we do!

But that little sin nature, it is stubborn, I tell you.

And if I’m being perfectly honest with you, today I feel just plain discouraged. I have a nagging headache, the kind that sleep and Tylenol don’t seem to have any effect on.

I did not sleep well last night.

And if you haven’t guessed already, we did not have a good morning today, in terms of behavior.

I know. She’s two. It’s normal. But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s ok. I can’t just let that sin go unchecked in her life. It’s not going to get better on it’s own. But some days I feel like I’m just saying the same things over and over and over and over…

It’s days like these that I’m reminded…I CAN’T do this parenting thing on my own. I DON’T have all the wisdom I need or the resources to get it right IN MY OWN STRENGTH.

But…and this is what I need to repeat to myself over and over and over…

I know the One who does.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
James 1:5 {emphasis mine}

I’m asking, Lord. 

Sense of Humor Required

If you’re on Facebook, there’s a good chance you’ve seen this already but it’s just too funny not to share.

The 11 Step Program for Those Considering Parenthood

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

If you’re a parent, this probably made you laugh. If you’re not a parent, this might just have scared you into celibacy. Don’t worry. They really are worth all the trouble, I promise.

But, seriously. Do the goat thing.

I Knew This Day Was Coming…

Today is a day that will forever live in infamy in my mind. Saturday, November 20, 2010 also known as, “The Day My Child Threw A Massive Screaming Temper Tantrum In The Middle of The Department Store.”

At Kohls, to be exact.

It was awesome. If by awesome you mean “horribly stressful and embarrassing.”

I don’t even remember what set it off – and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think Lily remembered either. But she got upset about The Thing That Did Not Go Her Way and once the crying started, well, it did not stop.

I started out fairly calm.

“Lily, you need to stop crying right now. Obey Mommy.”

This usually works. Today it did not.

Somehow it made things worse. More screaming, crying, and oh isn’t this nice? Kicking.  I don’t think I need to describe the rest of the scene in detail, but if you’re a parent, you’ve probably experienced something like it (or you will someday in the future).

It ended with me carrying my thrashing child out of the store, past the stares of curious onlookers – some judgmental, most sympathetic.

She was past the point of being responsive to my discipline and I was not in the right frame of mind to administer it at the moment. We both needed to remove ourselves from the situation and calm ourselves down.

She screamed the whole 5 minutes it took us to drive home, then when we pulled in the driveway, I think sensing her impending punishment, stopped and said, “Ok Mommy. I will obey.” Sweet, but…a little too late.

I knew it was somewhat inevitable that this would happen someday. Even if you’ve got an angel of a toddler, they are bound to test you in public at some point, unless you sequester yourself at home for a couple of years which, believe me, I’ve considered.

But I guess somewhere in the recesses of my mind I hoped maybe I’d be the lucky one. After all, Lily is a fairly obedient child. We have our moments but on the whole, she listens. And even at home we’ve never quite experienced a temper tantrum of this magnitude.

But, alas, it was not to be. I’ve walked through yet another rite of passage as a parent. The Public Temper Tantrum. Is it ridiculous to hope I’ll never experience another one?

By the way, I won’t get into particulars, but once we got home, she received her punishment. She cried some more (this time repentantly not rebelliously), we hugged, and then we had a little discussion about what she did wrong and what she should do next time. I wasn’t sure exactly how much of what I said she truly understood until later.  Sophia was crying and Lily leaned over and said in a very serious voice, “So-PEE-uh, don’t throw a fit. You’ll get a spankin’”

Maybe I am getting through to her.

****************************

By the way…I hate disclaimers, but I feel I need to add one here. We believe that spanking is a biblically sanctioned method of discipline for willful disobedience. While it is certainly not the only way we choose to correct our children, we believe it is most effective in the early years for helping teach the importance of obedience and respect for those in authority, and when lovingly, calmly, and consistently administered is not child abuse. There IS a difference. We do not spank out of exasperation or as a last resort and we do not spank when we are angry. If you care to know more about the particulars of how we administer the spanking, contact me privately and I’d be happy to let you know :)

Confessions and Cute Stuff

I must confess:

• Since coming home from the hospital, Lily has been watching entirely too much TV. I think we’ve broken my “no TV before naptime rule” approximately 19 out of the 20 days we’ve been home. In my defense, there are few other methods that I have found to be as effective for keeping her occupied while I’m nursing Sophia. And when she’s not occupied…well, stuff like this happens: 
   
  
  Why not color all over the baby swing? At least she chose a coordinating color…
  
  
• We had our first Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad night the other night. Sophia was fussy, awake, and hard to comfort – I think as a result of Mommy having too much caffeine. One or the other of us had to hold her all night. And I do mean ALL NIGHT. Dave and I were both exhausted and one of us may or may not have thrown a pacifier at the other one in our frustration. I’m not going to say who… 
  
  The good news is, it looks like it was just a fluke. Since then she’s been back to being a content, sleepy baby that only wakes up once during the night to eat.
  
  
• I forgot how hungry br*eastfeeding makes you. Naturally, I’ve been making sure to get my extra calories in by eating lots of donuts and chocolate cake fruits and vegetables.
  
  
• Dave has done a fabulous job of helping me out around the house and keeping things generally cleaned up but I am here to tell you that our bathroom has reached epic levels of extreme grody-ness. I’d show you pictures but…ew.

And now for some cute stuff:

This is a gift one of the super talented ladies in our small group made. Are these burp rags not adorable?

And then check this out – it’s a car seat cover.

Heavier than a blanket so it doesn’t fly off in the wind, and it attaches to the handle with these cute little flowers.

Plus if you flip it over, it’s fleece and you can use it as a blanket if you don’t have one when you’re out and about.

Genius! And so much prettier than the other car seat cover we have.

And then there are these little booties our neighbor gave us:

And this dress from a church friend of ours:

I’m so glad we’ve gotten a few new things for Sophia. As nice as it is to be able to use all of Lily’s clothes, a girl’s gotta have a few things to call her own, right?

That’s all.

Happy Wednesday!

Forgetting the Urgent to do the Important

It doesn’t matter who you are, I think at some point in everyone’s life you go through periods where you just feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. Too much to do and not enough time to do it in.

I know I’ve only mentioned it, like, 1200 times but we’re in a season like that in our lives right now. We’re busy, and we’re dealing with a lot of transitions right now – new baby on the way, major changes with Dave’s job, a new role in ministry at our church.

Good stuff. But time consuming.

In times like these my organized Type A personality kicks into overdrive and I’m constantly making lists and prioritizing and multi-tasking, never wanting to relax until every t is dotted and every i is crossed and I think I just messed up that metaphor, but just work with me here :)

The problem is…”it” is never finished.

There are always clothes that need folded and dishes that need washed and diapers that need changed and bills that need paid and about a gazillion other different projects that are just screaming for a piece of my time and attention.

Things that just scream, “Urgent! Do this! Right now!”

And the thing is, those things are urgent. They do need to be done. I should be spending portions of my day taking care of those responsibilities.

But sometimes I forget that there are things that aren’t urgent that are just as important…if not more so.

Things like…

Reading my Bible.

Praying.

Spending quality time with my husband, just the two of us…like actually talking and not just zoned out on the couch with a book or a TV show because we’ve spent all our mental energy elsewhere during the day.

Just sitting and playing make believe with my daughter instead of trying to keep her occupied while I check something else off my list.

Resting.

Especially in busy seasons, I find myself so easily shoving these things off into some distant corner “until I have more time”. Except there’s never more time. There’s always something else to do.

It’s times like these when I can practically hear the Lord whispering, “Martha, Martha…”

That story has always spoken to me, because in a lot of ways it is me.

“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made…”

Distracted by all the preparations. Putting off the important because of the “urgent”.

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

I would venture to say that it’s probably always going to be a struggle because of my personality, for me to “choose what is better”. I’m probably always going to have to remind myself {and be reminded by others} to shut the door on the laundry, hide the To Do list, leave the dishes in the sink and just sit down.

It’s not going to come naturally to me but I need to do it.

Leaving the “urgent” to do the important.

Perspective

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down and tried to write this post and failed. I think in part because it involves some things I’m thinking that are deeply personal and I’m a little bit leery of putting that out there for all to see – afraid of being misunderstood.

And maybe partly because I’m not entirely certain anyone will really care all that much about what I have to say here, but – here goes.

The other day my mother-in-law asked me, “So, are you just getting so excited to have a new little baby at your house again?”

And I hesitated.

Because in all honesty, the answer to that question right now is…no. Not completely.

Now, hear me out.

This baby is something we both prayed and planned for. We want to have more than one child – in fact we’d like a whole houseful of them, if the Lord allows. This pregnancy did not come as a surprise. We felt {and still feel} like we are ready to add to our family, and we are thrilled at the way the Lord has blessed us.

But if I’m being real – and I want to be real here – I was not a big fan of the newborn phase.

Lily was a…difficult baby. She cried. A lot. In fact, the first couple of months it seemed like if she wasn’t eating or sleeping, she was crying. Wouldn’t take a pacifier. Overall, I think she just didn’t really adapt to change all that well. And let’s face it, being born? Is kind of a big change.

She wanted to sleep during the day and be awake at night, and really what kind of people were we trying to change up her schedule like that?

To make matters worse, it seemed like anytime we talked to anyone about it, we got the same standard advice, “Just enjoy it. They’ll be going to college/getting married/having their own babies/etc, etc. before you know it.”

I know their intentions were good, but in all honesty, I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes whenever someone told me that. Enjoy it? Really?

Let’s face it. When you are running on little to no sleep, holding a baby who has been screaming for hours on end, tried all the tricks in your book to get them to stop, sore in places you’ve never been sore before, and bombarded with some crazy hormones, it’s not enjoyable.

It’s not.

And I wish, so, so badly that someone would have said this to me instead:

“It’s ok.”

It’s ok that you don’t just love being a mom right now.

It’s ok that you kind of like your baby the most when she’s sleeping.

It’s ok to not just be googly eyed over your child when they are screaming their head off at you.

It’s ok that you feel like you need a break.

It’s ok to not be enjoying this particular aspect of parenthood.

I mean, let’s try giving that same “Just enjoy it,” advice to someone in a different circumstance.

What do you think would happen if you went up to a woman, say, in the midst of an extremely painful labor and said to her, “You know, these contractions are working together to bring your precious little baby into the world…so just enjoy it.”

Do we say that? I mean, if we value our lives, do we say that? No! We say, “Keep pushing! The baby’s coming! It will be worth it! You’re almost there!”

But we don’t tell them to enjoy it, because it’s not fun.

I think what people mean when they say that is this:

“This is a time in your life like no other. Your baby will never be this small again. So enjoy those happy, cuddly moments. Drink in your baby when she’s snuggled up asleep on your chest. And when your baby is screaming it’s lungs off? Keep it in perspective. It won’t be like this forever. Before you know it, your baby will be all grown up, so take heart.”

I’m not really sure why I’m telling you all this, except that maybe I know I’m going to need to hear that these next couple of months. There’s a good possibility that this next baby might not be as touchy as Lily. Maybe it will be one of those laid back, go with the flow babies, who knows?

Even so, I’m mentally preparing myself for some bad days. Because there will be bad days.

Days where the baby is crying and Lily is being ornery and I won’t get to take a shower and I’ll maybe even say rash things like, “I’m not ever having any more children ever again,” and poor Dave will just smile and nod and let me cry on his shoulder and offer to take the night shift so I can get some sleep.

So.

Am I looking forward to having a new little baby?

The answer is yes.

And no.

Yes to the snuggles and the little butt curling up on my chest and the first smiles and the sweet smell of baby lotion.

No to the crying and the sleepless nights and the pain and the hormones and did I mention the crying because I’m really not looking forward to that?

But this time…this time I hope to keep things a little more in perspective. And it might just be easier this time around because I have a living, breathing, walking, talking, adorable bundle of proof that this won’t last forever.

So mental note to my future self: Enjoy the good days. Endure the bad. It may not always be fun, and that’s ok but it’s worth it. It really is.

The End.

(Is anyone still reading?)

Mischief and Mayhem

How is it that every toddler seems to posses some sort of inborn knowledge that tells them the exact WORST time to get into mischief?

For example, when is the best time to unroll an entire roll of toilet paper onto the guest bathroom floor?

Right before company comes, of course!

And when do you suppose would be the best time to grab Mommy’s sanitary napkins and parade around the living room with them?

Why, right as the guests are ringing the doorbell, of course! 

All I can say is…she’s lucky she’s so darn cute :)

Spared

Ugh.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I wish I wasn’t writing this post.

But, here goes.

The Short Story: Lily and I were in a car accident on Tuesday. Nobody was hurt {in either our car or the other person’s car}. Our car, however, sustained some “fatal” injuries, if you will – it’s completely totaled.

The Long Story: I’m gonna do my best not to ramble, but here’s basically what happened.

Lily and I were on our way to a church playgroup a little before 10:00 Tuesday morning. It was at a park we had never visited, in an unfamiliar area of a neighboring town. We had turned onto the road leading to the park and ahead of us was a big construction-type truck parked in the road doing some work on a tree.

Up ahead, I noticed the road curved off to the left. There were no cars coming, so I pulled around the truck, intent on getting back around to my side of the road before any other cars came around that bend.

It wasn’t until I came around the front of the truck that I was able to see the stop sign and the intersection, but at that point, it was too late. I slammed on my brakes but it wasn’t enough to keep me from hitting the side of another car crossing the road on the intersection in front of me.

One second I was driving along listening to Lily’s happy babble from the backseat, the next we were spinning completely out of control through the intersection, headed straight for a telephone pole. We missed the pole by inches – it grazed our sideview mirror.

The next few minutes were honestly a blur. I remember running around to the backseat to find Lily safely snuggled in her carseat, without so much as a scratch on her. I remember just holding her, crying and shaking and thinking over and over, “This can not be happening.”

I called Dave, the ambulance and police came, and I was relieved to hear that nobody was hurt in the other car either. Since I was feeling fine, we opted not to go to the hospital with the ambulance and instead headed to my OB office to make sure everything was fine with the baby.

Even now, I can’t think about what happened without getting choked up. When I think about how close we were to being seriously injured – or worse – I can’t help but just praise God for His hand of protection on us. If something had happened to Lily or our unborn baby, I don’t know if I could have ever forgiven myself.

I know being a believer doesn’t guarantee that God will keep you from harm, and we would have chosen to praise Him regardless of the outcome, but we are so incredibly grateful that He chose to bring us through this unscathed.

If you could, there are a few things I’d ask for you to pray for:

1. Pray that we would have a right and godly response to the circumstances surrounding the accident. Had that truck not been parked so close to the stop sign, blocking my view the way it was, this almost certainly would never have happened. Regardless, I was issued a ticket for failing to heed a traffic signal. While everything in me wants to cry, “That’s so unfair!” I also recognize that being angry and bitter won’t change what happened. It’s possible that we may be able to have the ticket revoked, but even if that doesn’t happen, I need to be prepared to accept the circumstances humbly, and move on.
      A view of the truck that was parked in front of the stop sign..and the back of our car being towed away 
   
2. Pray for me as I  work through the emotions following the crash. The biggest struggle I’m having right now is with fear. At the moment, I don’t feel like I ever want to get behind the driver’s seat of a car again, especially not with my child in the back seat. I know it’s normal to feel apprehensive, but I don’t want to let that fear take root in my life and control me.
   
3. Pray that no complications develop with my pregnancy due to the accident. We had an ultrasound yesterday and everything looked great. I’ve had no bleeding or cramping and don’t even have a mark or a bruise on my stomach from the seatbelt, but just continue to pray that everything will go well.

Thanks so much for your prayers! Naturally I am a little disheartened about our ruined vehicle and my no-longer-spotlessly-perfect driving record, but those are such small things compared to the health and safety of my two precious little girls!

This Is Why Klutzy People Shouldn’t Decorate…

It may look like an innocent curtain rod, but in my hands…it’s practically a lethal weapon.

Our Bedroom Wall

 Our {Brand New} Dresser
{that’s a nice big chip in case you can’t tell through the blur}

I know what you’re thinking…

“You just need to be more careful!”

The sad thing is…that WAS me being careful.

The good news? We’re almost done with the master bedroom! All that’s left is paint. And if you ask me real nice, I might even show you pictures ;)

I’m Not the Only One!

The weather has been gorgeous this week {and by gorgeous I mean “not snowing” and 30-ish degrees} and Lily and I have been taking full advantage of it by GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Today we went to a friend’s house for a little playdate, and I realized again that it often does ME as much good as it does Lily to spend time with some “big people” during the day.

I realized that I’m not the only one….

…who struggles to think of things to do with my busy little toddler now that she’s no longer taking a morning nap….

…who sometimes feels BORED trying to entertain a busy little toddler who’s no longer taking a morning nap…

…who sometimes doesn’t get to take a shower until afternoon-thirty because a busy little toddler no longer takes a morning nap {and refuses to play with her toys on the bathroom floor while I hop in the shower but instead unwraps all of mommy’s tampons and tries to flush them down the toilet :-/}

…who feels GUILTY for missing that darn morning nap so much :)…

…who sometimes dreads mealtime and the inevitable conflict it creates…

…whose child sometimes starts pitchin’ a crying hissy for no apparent reason at all…

…who feels like they work-work-work all day long yet have nothing to show for it…

I think sometimes it’s easy for us mommies to just heap big old piles of guilt on ourselves for the struggles we face every day.

We feel scared that we’re doing something wrong.

We feel afraid that we’re making mistakes {and possibly screwing up our kids in the process!}

We feel inadequate.

But the truth is, most of us are just normal. And sometimes it’s just good to be reminded…

I’m not the only one!

{Ouch}

Pride.

It’s such a tiny little word that describes a very large, very ugly struggle of mine.

People who know me in real life might be a little surprised to hear me say that. Because, you see, pride doesn’t show up in my life in what might seem to be the “typical” manner.

I’m not the “cocky, over confident, smug” type of person with that “look at me” kind of swagger.

I don’t talk myself up {rather, I’m more likely to talk myself down}

But guess what?

I’m proud.

Pride is sneaky. And it manifests itself in my life in a hundred different ways. Last week in our Sunday School class, we were given a handout with two columns: one detailed characteristics of a proud person, the other characteristics of a humble person. Guess which one I identified with?

Proud people…

…have to prove they are right…

**OUCH**

…keep others at arms’ length…

**OUCH**

…find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others…

**OUCH**

…tend to deal in generalities when confessing sin…

…are self-conscious…

…have an independent, self-sufficient spirit…

**OUCH, OUCH, OUCH**

C.J. Mahaney, in his book “Humility: True Greatness”  says that pride is “to rob God of legitimate glory and to pursue self-glorification”

As our Sunday School teacher said, “Doesn’t that sound horrible?”

That’s because it is.

Pride is at the root of so many of the sins in my life. It is not something I can just look at and then passively go on with my daily life. It needs to be uprooted and tossed out, like weeds in a garden – so there can be room for real fruit to grow.

How do I do this?

It’s only possible when I have the right view of myself – the view from the foot of the cross. That’s where I see myself for what I truly am – a sinner desperately in need of a Savior – and where God is revealed for what He truly is – the only One who deserves any glory or praise, the perfectly just judge whose mercy and compassion reached down to rescue me.

“How can anyone be arrogant when he stands beside the cross?”
--Carl Henry--

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
   "God opposes the proud
      but gives grace to the humble."
--James 4:6--

“Sew” {Not} Easy

Remember when I posted my New Year’s Resolutions? Well, one of the my goals that I DIDN’T mention was that I wanted to try to sew something this year. I’ve got an entire folder in my Favorites links dedicated to projects I’d like to try.

Rewind to last Saturday. We took an impromptu trip to the mall where I happened upon the CAH-UTEST little Valentine’s outfit at Gymboree.

It was sweet. It was adorable. It was…$112.75!!!!

Seriously, had I bought each of those matching pieces that’s how much it would have cost me. And I mean, I love me a cute outfit but that is what we call A WASTE OF MONEY.

So the wheels started turning…and I started thinking…couldn’t I MAKE a cute little Valentine’s outfit for Lily?

I started looking back through my links and found two sewing projects that I thought I could handle and I started getting creative.

Except…I’m not really very creative.
On a scale of 1 to Martha Stewart, I’d say I’m about a negative 5.

But that didn’t stop me. It probably should have, but it didn’t.

The first project I attempted was a pair of Baby Legs. You can find tutorials for these all over the Internet. I used the one here.

Seriously, these are like the easiest things ev-ah. It should take 20 minutes, tops.

It took me 3 hours.

And I ended up with this:

Something told me that’s not how they were supposed to look…and after much head scratching and brow furrowing, I figured out my mistake. Luckily, those were my “practice socks”.

Here’s how the real ones turned out:

Not too shabby – if you look closely you can see that my stitches aren’t exactly straight, but when they’re on Lily, you really can’t even tell {at least that’s what I tell myself}.

Next up was the shirt. My super cool bloggy friend Kim is always doing fun little projects and I got this idea from her. I got myself a plain white shirt, a scrap of pink fabric, and some ribbon.

Cut out a heart and applied it to the shirt using Wonder Under. So far, so good.

At this point, I thought to myself, “Self, do you really need to sew around the edge of the heart? It looks like it’s fastened pretty securely with that Wonder Under there. Why don’t you just call it a day?”

But, no. Of course, I couldn’t just leave well enough alone. I just thought that the zig-zag stitch that Kim did around the edges of her appliqués were so cute and after all my machine HAS a zig-zag stitch feature on it, it does all the zigging and zagging for you I mean really HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

Well.

Pretty hard, apparently, if you’re me. Because as it turns out the machine won’t do EVERYTHING for you. Like, for example, the machine will not make your stitches straight.

Or turn corners for you.

Or keep you from accidentally sewing the front of the shirt to the back of the shirt.

*AHEM*

It took me six an embarrassing number of attempts during which I stitched and then ripped out stitches and stitched some more and ripped out some more stitches and the final product still looked like it had been sewn by a drunken sailor.

It was at this point that I decided that the crooked stitches were just going to have to do because the very thought of redoing it all pretty much made me want gouge out my eyes with the seam ripper.

I think the crookedness sort of adds to the charm, don’t you? (Don’t answer that)

 

At any rate, the shirt, fabric, socks, and Wonder Under only cost me a whopping $8.57 which beats spending over a hundred dollars any day.

And as Dave reminded me – Lily doesn’t care. And she still looks stinkin’ cute, if I do say so myself :)

 

Keepin’ It Real

Are you ever tempted to only let people glimpse the portions of your life that put you in your best light?

Like, I don’t know about the rest of you but this is what I look like when I wake up in the morning:

Horrifying, isn’t it?

And my kitchen pretty much always looks like this:

Because I spend all my time cleaning…that is when I’m not grinding wheat to make my own bread, sewing my own clothes, and thinking super spiritual thoughts and posting them on my Facebook status.

I’m pretty much awesome at everything I do. I never fail at any projects I try.

My child is a dainty, angelic creature who always looks like she stepped right out of the pages of a Baby Gap ad. She’s not perfect, but I’m such a good parent, her behavior doesn’t even really phase me.

Seriously?!?

I mean, really – who do I think I’m kidding with that garbage?

One of my goals on this blog is to keep it real. As my friend Andrea says, “There is enough plastic in the world without me contributing to it by trying to be fake.”

So along those lines, here are some things you need to know:

• I am still in my pajamas. So is Lily.
  
  
• I didn’t work out for even a second yesterday…unless you count vacuuming the stairs.
  
  
• Speaking of vacuuming, I don’t do it every day. Sometimes not even every other day. Usually only once a week, or if we have company coming.
  
  
• This morning I caved…and ate one of these for breakfast:

And I don’t even really feel guilty!

• My house is very clean because our Bible study group met here last night. Just don’t look in the office because that’s where I shoved all the random piles of junk that I didn’t have time to sort through:
  
   
  
• I spent 3 hours – THREE HOURS -- one day last week trying to figure out a simple {and I do mean simple} “10 minute” sewing project. And I still messed it up.
  
  
• You know how I wanted to try some healthy recipes this year? Well I cooked my first one on Monday. It was disgusting. Ask my husband.

No matter what else you might read on here, please, PLEASE don’t ever get the idea that I’ve always got it all together. I can put on a pretty good front when I want to, but deep down, I know the truth. I’m just an average {sometimes below average} girl with high aspirations. I’ve set some high goals for myself and I’m going to be diligent about pursuing them. But chances are, I’m gonna fail at some of them. And when I do, I’ll be sure to let you know.

“A man can never hope to be more than he is if he is not first honest about what he isn’t.”