One of *Those* Days

I woke up this morning with a massive headache. From the middle of my back, all the way up to the bridge of my nose and it won't. Go. Away.

We have company coming this week and I'm nowhere *near* where I need to be in terms of getting ready. 

I lost my temper with Lily after approximately the seventh time that she got out of bed at nap time.

She's struggling with obedience lately, and deep down, I know that it's at least partly because I've struggled with consistency.

My exact words in a frustrated email to my husband were: "I stink at being a mom. I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm pretty sure I'm screwing it up."

If you want real life, this is it.

It's days like this where the lie that Satan whispers has the most power. "What is wrong with you? Everybody else seems to have this all figured out."

It's days like this where I need the Gospel to reach down into the messy crevices of my real life and remind me. 

"You can't do it by yourself. Your children need a savior, and it's not you."

Because the truth is, I CAN'T be everything my children need. I can only try to introduce them to the One who will satisfy their souls. I don't want them to see me pulling myself up by my bootstraps and trying harder. I want them to see me turn my frustrated, tear filled face to Jesus and acknowledge that only He can satisfy.

Satan wants my focus to be on me and what I'm doing wrong, because he knows if I turn my eyes to Jesus and what He has already done for me, then that grace will cover my shame and fill me with the desire to move forward in obedience.

So on this day - one of *those* days....I turn my eyes to Jesus. I DON'T know what I'm doing. I probably AM screwing it up, and I MIGHT be the only one that feels this way but His grace takes my fumbling efforts at motherhood and make it into a thing of beauty.

Eyes up!