And then I entered that blessed stage of sanctification most commonly known as child-rearing.
Suddenly (well, not quite suddenly - the first eighteen months were relatively easy) I found myself doing and saying things I never imagined.
Speaking choppy sentences through gritted teeth: "Put. That. Down. And. Come. Here. Now."
"Please, just STOP (fighting) (tapping my shoulder) (kicking the back of my chair) (flinging yogurt off of your spoon and watching where it lands)(removing ALL of your clothing every time you sit on the toilet) (picking your nose) (sticking colored pencils up your nose) (I could go on and on)"
And the one particular offense that pushes my patience buttons like no other, "Get. Back. In. Your. Bed"
.Oh, no. Having children didn't make me an impatient person. It just tore back the layers of my self righteousness to reveal that impatience. I have heard it said that if you want to develop patience, pray for trials. I would say, don't pray for trials. Pray for blessings, in the form of children. It is amazing to me how these beautiful creatures that have the power to melt my heart and leave me nearly bursting with love can also drive me so near the brink of insanity, sometimes all in the space of five minutes
There has been nothing in my life that has forced me to come face to face with the full extent of the ugliness of my sin nature like my children. I'm not saying this is a bad thing - in fact I would argue that it's been one of the best tools The Lord has ever used in my life to chisel away at my old nature in order to reveal the new. When I say they are a blessing, I mean it wholeheartedly, no sarcasm intended. It's a mistake to believe, though, that blessings always come in the form of happiness and easy roads. Truthfully, some of the most difficult things in life are the best ones.
And this is what I am reminding myself today.
Sometimes....MOST of the time....nearly ALL of the time...the things worth doing are really, really, hard.
I want so badly to be able to parent with instant results.
I want to teach them how to use a fork once and be done with it.
Give them a verse about kindness and then sit back and watch them play nicely with others.
Show them how to use a potty and be done cleaning up bodily fluids for the rest of their life (oh, if only it were that simple!)
But the truth is...there are no Instant Moms and no Instant Children. Parenting is work. Hard, sometimes dull, repetitive work.
They will get almost nothing right the first time. They will have potty accidents. They will yell at their siblings. They will be selfish. And they will do all of these things *gasp* even after I've told them not to! They will make childish mistakes as a result of their immaturity. And they will willfully disobey as a result of their sin nature.
And, here's the kicker: there are no guarantees that all my blood, sweat, and tears will pay off. At the end of the day, my children still have a will of their own and no amount of effort on my part can make them submit that will to Him. The goal of parenting isn't to produce children who love the Lord and are faithful to Him - and thank goodness because I can't do that. The goal is for me to be faithful to Him. Parenting is as much about my sanctification as it is theirs.
Gary Thomas, in his book Sacred Parenting describes children as "little holy teachers", and oh, how thankful I am today for my own two little teachers today.
Because, in their immaturity...I see myself, the way God sees me. And I am humbled by His patient, persevering pursuit of my holiness. His loving discipline in my life is the model I am to follow in theirs. He is altogether holy, righteous, and will not stand for any sin, yet at the same time sacrificially gracious and merciful, slow to anger and quick to extend forgiveness.
My children will get it right the first time about as often as I do, and when I remember that the Lord's work in my life has been more of a marathon, not a sprint, well...it helps pull me back from the brink of insanity and enables me to give them grace in their immaturity...again....and again...and again.... :)
1 comment:
You have no idea how much those words were exactly what I have been struggling to say! I have gone to bed so many nights thinking "I yelled too much today" or "the only time I spoke to my son was to tell him no". I love the perspective you give on how our actions as parents is just as sinful and "wrong" sometimes as the act they are doing to make us react that way. I tell you, patience has never been one of my virtues either, and my kids test every little ounce I have every day. Some days go well, some don't. But thank you for reminding me that they are gifts, just as they are, and that these challenges to my character are a lesson from God to teach me how to be more like Him.
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