Book Review: The Male Factor (and a GIVEAWAY!)

Thanks to Waterbrook Multnomah for providing copies of this book to review and give away!

Today I am reviewing The Male Factor by Shaunti Feldhahn for Waterbrook Multnomah. This will be my first “official” book review – I’m kind of nervous!

About the Book:

Many talented women today risk undermining their careers without realizing it, simply because they don’t understand how they are perceived by their male colleagues and customers.

In The Male Factor, best-selling author Shaunti Feldhahn reveals the inner reality behind men’s views — the unspoken expectations that no man would dare to publicly acknowledge, and no woman would learn from an HR department. These revelations include:

• Men’s unwritten ‘rules’ of the workplace

• How men perceive workplace emotion

• What common situations with female colleagues most frustrate men-- and why

• Why revealing clothing can sabotage a woman’s effectiveness

• Why some men think flextime is fine, but equal compensation for it is not 

The Male Factor equips women with the information they need to make informed decisions and compete on a level playing field.

About the Author:

Shaunti Feldhahn is a nationally syndicated columnist and the bestselling author of For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men and For Men Only, which together sold one million copies. She holds a Master in Public Policy from Harvard, worked on Wall Street and now lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

 

What I Thought:

It was only a few months ago that I tore through Shaunti’s other book, For Women Only, and loved it. So when WaterBrook Multnomah contacted me about reviewing The Male Factor, I readily accepted. So readily, in fact, that I failed to really read the description of the book.

I’ll be honest, when I realized that this was a book about men in the workplace, written to help women in the business world, my eyes kind of glazed over. I honestly didn’t think there would be much application for me, a stay-at-home mom. But I had agreed to review the book so I plunged in.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that not only was this book applicable, it was also enjoyable to read! As with her other book, Feldhahn does a fantastic job of weaving the raw data collected from her extensive research with real life application.

It’s important to note that her book is not necessarily condoning her findings, simply reporting them. Because the business world was fundamentally established by men, it is key for women to understand the differences in the way men perceive things – and there are differences.

I’m just going to hit on a couple of things I found to be particularly interesting.

First, I liked her discussion of the tension working moms feel in balancing their work/family life.

She says:

“The tension over balancing work and family has no perfect solution. Competing priorities such as time on the job and time with our kids are, by definition, both important (although not equally so) and often mutually exclusive. There’s no one “right answer” that will work for everyone.  The only thing we do know is that wishful thinking about how much we can balance is usually a recipe for anxiety and distress on both fronts. As most working moms (me included) have found out the hard way, you really can’t get that report out on time when you have a five-year-old tugging at your sleeve…”

She goes on to say that while modern women are fortunate to live in at a time when they can “have it all” that doesn’t mean they can necessarily have it all at the same time. And very often (though not always) women have to make a choice between furthering their career, or meeting the needs of their family.

“In a private meeting with a group of managers at a huge household name company, the female hiring director described a ‘talk’ that she has had to have with many more up-and-coming women than men. She said that when women with children rise through the ranks, they often come to a crisis point. She privately takes them aside and tells them, ‘You’re going to have to choose whether you are going to prioritize your family or your career right now. Because you’ve gotten high enough up that by trying to prioritize both, you’re doing neither well. Your work is suffering. If you want to keep doing this job well and keep rising in your career right now, your family has to take a backseat. Or, if you want to prioritize your family, you need to adjust your job track. You have to make whatever choice is right for you – but…you’re going to have to make a choice.”

I like her frank approach to the topic because I feel like so many women are focused on the fact that they don’t “have” to be at home, that they are missing the fact that maybe it is ok for them to put their career aside for a time in order to take advantage of that tiny window they have when their children are young. The point is that it’s important for women not to lie to themselves about what they can handle (and some can handle more than others). And it’s ok to get to a point where you say, “You know what? I can’t do both of these things well so I’m going to choose to do what’s important.”

I’m not going to be legalistic here and say that it’s always wrong for a woman to work outside the home – I don’t believe that. I just think that due to the climate of our feminist culture, some women are afraid to even really consider it. I think Feldhahn does an excellent job of addressing that tension in an objective manner – and being a working mom herself, she is definitely speaking from experience!

Second, I feel like I really gained a better understanding of the kind of pressure my husband faces on a daily basis.

One of the things she highlights is the innate sense that men have that “if I let down my guard, the world will stop spinning.” They’ve always got this constant burden weighing down on them to provide for their family. It is this emotion that drives many men to become workaholics – and there is a trickle effect from the top down. If the men in charge feel this way, they are going to be putting pressure on everyone who works under them to work to get the results they are looking for.

“Men…are constantly watching to see whether other workers seem fully “invested” – whether they intimately care about the same goals…and the primary signal to show how much someone cares seems to be whether they are willing to sacrifice something of value for it. Whenever there is extra work to be done, is the person willing to give up sleep, time with family, or those much-looked-forward-to tickets to the big game?”

Feldhahn goes on to say:

“Clearly this ‘willingness to sacrifice’ dynamic may not be a healthy one. Some people end up feeling like they have no choice but to give up family time for the sake of demonstrating commitment to their job. I love it when I see talented and committed women being a part of changing those unbalanced expectations.”

As a wife, understanding the kind of pressure  my husband is facing – whether self imposed or from his boss – can help me be more understanding if a situation comes up where he needs to spend more time at work. My husband obviously still has an obligation to put his family first but just being  aware of the tension he feels helps me know how better to support him when he’s feeling the squeeze.

On the other hand, knowing that the pressure probably increases the higher up the ladder you climb makes me think that maybe that’s not something I desire for my husband to go through!

There’s so much more fascinating material in this book and I wish I had the time and space to cover it all – but I’ve already gone on long enough, so if you want to know more, you’ll just have to read the book yourself!

And I can help out with that! Waterbrook Multnomah has generously provided me with an extra copy of the book to give away!

If you would like a copy of this book, please leave me a comment on this post. Please make sure your email address is linked to your comment or  leave your email address in the comment so I can contact you. I will close the comments at midnight on Monday, January 18, 2010 , and will draw a winner then. I'll post the name of the winner  Tuesday morning.

The Male Factor can be purchased from Random House.

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.