On Motherhood…

I think I’ve mentioned it before, but one of my all time favorite books about being a mom is “The Mission of Motherhood” by Sally Clarkson.

I’ve probably been more challenged by this book in the area of my role as a mother than any other book I’ve ever read {and I’ve read quite a few}…apart from the Bible that is.

I started reading through it for the second time a few months before Sophia was born and it’s been every bit as challenging to me now as it was the first time around.

One chapter in particular really convicted me – the kind of conviction that makes you squirm in your chair uncomfortably because you know there’s a big gap between what you should be doing and what you’re actually doing.

It’s a chapter about being a servant mother and honestly, it’s just so good – if you’re a mom you’ve got to get this book and read it for yourself because I’m probably just going to butcher it here :)

Here are a few things I underlined:

“Choosing to be a servant-mother means willingly giving up myself, my expectations, and my time to the task of mothering – and choosing to believe that doing so is the best use of my time at the moment.”

“I have to choose to serve Christ by giving my time and energy to my children – not just when I feel like it but when they need me.” {emphasis mine}

This is not something you’re going to hear from our secular culture today. It’s simply not a popular idea. Most people will tell you that you’ve got to protect your “me time”. And certainly there is nothing wrong with a mom taking time for herself, spending time apart from her children doing things she enjoys.

The problem comes when you elevate those things over your responsibilities to your family. As Sally Clarkson states:

“So many mothers fall into the trap of resenting the intrusions that children make on their time.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself thinking, “I can’t wait until the kids are older and can take care of themselves better so I have time to do the things I want to do.”

But as Clarkson says:

“Children, by definition take up our time. They’re supposed to do that; it’s the way God made them...Children simply don’t fit into neat little time packages.”

She goes on to explain that:

“I regret the time I wasted in the early years of my children’s lives because I didn’t have a realistic understanding of what motherhood would cost me in that regard. I did enjoy being with them – usually. But I also tended to chafe at the demands these little ones made on my time and energy. I would become irritated or frazzled by their whining or clinging to me or crying.”

Can I just raise my hand here and say, “Yes! That’s me! I can totally relate!”

I mean, how many times have I gotten annoyed because Lily woke up early from her nap, cutting into “my” time? Or bemoaned the fact that I’m getting up in the middle of the night every night to nurse? Or whined and complained because the house is dirty even though I just cleaned it an hour ago?

I love what she says here:

“As I have gone through the past 18 years of motherhood…I’ve come to appreciate the importance of the many thousands of routine moments in a mother’s life, for it is in these moments that real greatness tends to be taught and caught. It is certainly important to grasp the great calling of motherhood…but it’s the way I respond to my children in everyday moments that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts. If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to my children…then I have a far better chance of influencing them in the larger and more critical issues of life.” {emphasis mine}

I think so many parents miss this. They don’t pay attention to the little things that are important to their children and then they wonder why, as teenagers, their children don’t want to pay any attention to what they have to say.

I’m so far from where I should be in this area, but I recognize that there are things I need to change. Now it’s just a matter of remember and applying what I’ve learned…always the hard part for me.

Anyway. You should really just go get this book and read it for yourself, I just can’t do it justice in one blog post!