Not Inconveniences

Source: etsy.com via Amy on Pinterest 

I watched the 48 Hours Mystery about Casey Anthony Tuesday night. I knew the basics of the case, but didn’t really follow much of the trial coverage so I didn’t know many of the details.

Heartbreaking, in every sense of the word. I’m not going to pass judgment on the jury here. I don’t envy the position they were in, and it’s much easier for me to sit here and say, “I think she’s guilty” {which I do…} because I don’t have the weight of responsibility for sentencing a woman to death the way they did.

I do think, whether intentional or not, that Casey is guilty, and it’s frustrating that justice seems to have slipped through the cracks.

But mostly, I just feel sad. So, so, sad

.

For a family that appears to have been struggling before and has now been ripped apart.

For a little girl, whose life was cut so tragically short due to the selfishness of another.

And for a mother, who failed to realize what a treasure she had been given in the form of a 2 year old girl, full of life and beauty. Who let her love of self triumph over her love for her daughter.

After the show I slipped into each of our girl’s rooms and just stared at them while they slept, wanting to pick them up and hug them and never let go.

And I felt the weight of guilt press on me for all the times I had been irritated at having to wake up in the middle of the night, change another poopy diaper, clean up another mess…these are my CHILDREN! Shame on me for not always cherishing them as the precious, beautiful, gifts of life that they are, regardless of the messes they make and the intrusions they can be on “my” time.

I know…it’s not exactly the same. Even in my most frustrated and weary moments, NEVER have I EVER wished my child was dead. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about.

But…isn’t that a seed of the same lie that Casey Anthony believed? That children are “inconveniences to be managed”? She is an extreme example, yes…but what did Jesus say? That lust is as bad as adultery, hate is as bad as murder, that thoughts are as evil as actions…because if allowed to grow they lead to sin and eventually death?

But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. 

James 1:14-15

I think…far too often we do not take our sin as seriously as we need to when it is in it’s infant stage. We view it more like a pesky fly that we can swat away when we want to, not the raging monster that threatens to grow and consume us if we let it. I think if we truly realized the depravity of our hearts we would be far more vigilant about squashing those little lies before they have a chance to fester inside of us.

We can always point fingers at others who have committed acts that seem to us to be unthinkable, but we forget that many a righteous person has fallen. Remember David, the man after God’s own heart? Guilty of adultery and murder.

Do you think there are many people out there who intend to let their sinful thoughts get so out of hand that it eventually leads them into action? How many people just do a 180 and decide that they are going to commit a crime, kill a person, have an affair? It is not usually one giant step but rather a series of small ones.

The Casey Anthony trial was a gut check for me. A reminder to embrace even the challenges of raising children, to not give in to the lie that says that I shouldn’t let my children get in the way of what I want to do.

Isn’t that what our society says? Don’t want to be inconvenienced with a baby? Kill it before it’s born. Yet we are surprised and disgusted when we see the unintended consequences of that little white lie come to fruition in the life of a young mother “saddled” with a child that she evidently was happy to be free from.

So this week…I have smiled at the globs of Play Doh stuck underneath the dining room table. Happily washed 2 loads worth of tiny pink and purple clothes. Prepared bottles and cut up grapes and swept sand off my freshly mopped floor. Grinned at the fingerprints on the sliding glass door.

Praise God for my two little “inconveniences”. May He give me many more.