All My Single Ladies…

You know that girl that always has a boyfriend? And a dozen other interested guys waiting in the background in case her current relationship falls through?

Yeah…that was never me.

I spent a good 20 years of my life before I met my husband in “the waiting room” if you will. And, granted, many of those years were before I technically reached “dating age”, but I still remember what it felt like.

I wanted to get married.

I wanted to have babies.

I wanted my “real life” to begin.

I feared singleness – or at least the thought of remaining single indefinitely. And I had to get to a point where I was ok with it before God allowed me to begin a relationship with that godly man who eventually became my husband (but that’s a story for another day).

Now that I’m on the other side of things, I’ve thought a lot about the way I spent my time as a single girl.

What advice would I give my 20 year old self, now that I know what it’s like to be married, to have a family, to be in the thick of baby raising.

You hear a lot of moms say something like this…

Enjoy your free time….

Take advantage of your independence…

You can spend your time and money how you please, so enjoy that…

And I think a lot of the time there’s a real push to stay focused on yourself.

I get that.

Believe me, I do. I look back at those times when I *thought* I was busy – HA! How little I knew…

But I think my advice , if I could give it, to my single self, now that I know what I know would be this:

Don’t wait until you are married and have children to practice being a servant.

Because…let’s not romanticize things, here…marriage and child-rearing? Require a lot of service. A lot of giving and often, not a lot of getting.

Becoming a wife and mother has not magically transformed me into an unselfish person. In fact, if anything, it has revealed to me just how self-centered I really am.

I have to be honest, there are days when I feel downright angry inside that my three year old wakes up early from her afternoon nap…because, you know…that cuts into “my” time. It’s sometimes tempting to look back on those “pre-baby” days wistfully when I think about how much time I had all to myself.

But what I’ve come to realize, what God has been reminding me over and over and over with painful clarity is…my time was never my own.

As a Christian, I am called to be a servant of Christ. Period.

Because I have children and a husband, my primary area of service is obvious. I spend a large portion of my days sweeping crumbs and picking up toys and doing laundry and wiping poo (and other equally disgusting stuff). Sure, sometimes I serve in other areas – but generally speaking, “Mom’s” the word.

Someday in what seems right now like a very distant time in the future, my children will grow up and move out and yes, I’ll still be a mom, but in a much different capacity. Today I serve Christ by serving my family. But when the needs of my family have eased, then what?  Have I suddenly lost my sense of purpose just because I am no longer a full time mom?

No. Because my purpose – and yours, if you believe – is not found in my earthly family, it is found in my Heavenly Father. When I serve my family, I am ultimately serving Him.

The truth is, “real life” doesn’t begin when you get married and have kids.  And it doesn’t end when they are grown. Your real life is NOW. Whatever stage of life you are in, God’s got a plan for what He wants you to do with your time.

Are you single? SERVE CHRIST.

Are you married with no children? SERVE CHRIST.

Are you a young mom with lots of littles? SERVE CHRIST.

Are you an empty nester? SERVE CHRIST.

So my advice to my single, childless, 20 something self?

Don’t give in to the lie that focusing on yourself now will somehow make it “easier” to be selfless later on -- as if selfishness is something you can get out of your system. Selfishness begets more selfishness. You won’t get rid of the monster by feeding it, you’ll only make it bigger.

Rather begin today by practicing service. Stop serving yourself. Start serving Christ. And if someday the Lord chooses to bless you with a husband and children? Well, you will have prepared yourself well.