If I'm Being Honest

I'm struggling lately in a lot of areas. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and totally inept at, well...everything?

I'm struggling with time management and with discipline and just plain laziness. This summer I felt as though we were caught up in a whirlwind and there was just no breathing room, all the wind sucked out from us, constantly being moved around from thing to thing. We were in survival mode with way more to do than hours in the day and it was necessary for a time but totally and completely exhausting.

And now. Now that we are starting to have some margin, I'm struggling with the temptation to just let everything go and do nothing...just because we can.

We have scaled way back on our commitments...and that is a good thing, I think. There is biblical precedent for periods of rest after intense periods of activity. We want to have time to settle into our new community and to spend time getting to know our neighbors. Time to be relational and not just filling our free hours with activity. We want to be able to spend more time building into the lives of our girls, not just shuttling them from one place to another, which, honestly is what happened a lot this summer. 

Those are good things, things I think that are necessary for us right now, but what I'm struggling with right now is more in my personal life.

Moving with kids is hard. I feel I'm just barely able to keep up with the normal day to day stuff, keeping bellies full and clean laundry and toilets and dishes and laundry and mopping and homeschooling and laundry and teaching and training and laundry...you get it ;) where does the time come to unpack boxes and sort and organize? Some days I feel so overwhelmed that I just don't even know where to start...so I don't.

Part of it is just learning to accept that I'm...you know, HUMAN. Being patient with the process understanding that things take time. I'm not superwoman, I know that. Learning to just do the next thing, go steady one thing at a time. But, if I'm really being honest, part of it is just plain being undisciplined and lazy.

I haven't been getting up early and my time in the Word is spotty, at best. And I can make all the excuses in the world, but I really know deep down inside that its me that needs to change. *hmmph*

Last night I read this quote by my good friend (not really, but I wish she was) Sally,  so gently convicting:

“I have come to believe that the success or failure of any woman who hopes to build her children into a godly legacy depends to a great degree on whether or not she is spending time in the presence of the Lord and filling her mind with His word.”

-Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

The work of a mother is intensely overwhelming and I really don't know why I delude myself into thinking I can just get it all done on my own. I have to be drinking in deeply every day of His grace and His truth if I'm going to be able to give it. Seems pretty silly to let your mouth go dry when you're living by the spring, doesn't it?

O Lord, hear me as I pray;

    pay attention to my groaning.

 

Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God,

    for I pray to no one but you.

 

Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.

    Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.⁷ 

Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house;

    I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe
Psalm 5:1-3, 7