Vanity :(

I hate being vain...and lately I've been realizing that I do it a lot more than I realize. See, when I think of vanity, I think of someone who looks at themselves and thinks, "Yeah, I look pretty good. I'm pretty proud of myself." That is vanity, true. But it also takes on many other sneaky forms. In my life, it tends to be the opposite of the above statement. I find myself being the most vain when I think I don't look good. Let me give you an example:

As I mentioned here, our church had a baby dedication on Sunday. It was an amazing service. I came away challenged and convicted. What I didn't mention was the morning leading up to the service. I had one of those days where absolutely nothing with my appearance went right. I had a battle with my hair...I lost...it didn't look the way I thought it should. I broke off the heel of the boots I wear all the time. I didn't realize how crucial they were to my wardrobe until I no longer had them to wear. Suddenly, I couldn't find an outfit that looked good. I spent so much time trying to find an outfit, that I ran out of time and ended up putting on a sweater that I'd worn to work earlier in the week (not dirty, but not freshly laundered either), and a pair of pants that are the dressed up equivalent of my "fat jeans" (come on, I know you all have a pair!). To top it off, an old pair of shoes that I really don't care for.

Needless to say, my thoughts were not where they should have been when we sat down for the service. Instead of thinking about the significance of the day or reflecting on what it means to dedicate my child to the Lord, I was thinking, "I can't believe I'm going to get up in front of everyone looking like this."

God really has a way of bringing out my worst and then gently showing me a better way. He helped me recognize my vanity and reminded me that this service was not about me. He took my rebellious little heart and softened it so I would be open to what He had to say to me. And He helped me forget about what I looked like and focus on what truly mattered. I'm so thankful for His grace!

But apparently...He thinks my vanity still needs a lil' work. :) Today we had an email from one of the tech guys at our church. He took our picture on Sunday and wants OF ALL THINGS to put it on the back of bulletin. We're not talkin' a one time deal either. This is like one of those pictures that is on the back next to the "About our church" section. So my bad hair and slightly less than clean sweater will be, at least temporarily, etched into the literature of our church. Visitors will see it when they come. Regular attenders will stare at it during the announcement time. I tried to think of a reason to tell him that he couldn't use it. I really tried. But the only reason I came up with was, once again...vanity.

So you know what I said? I said, "Ok God, you win. It really doesn't matter what I look like." And I told Doug we'd be happy to let them use our picture.

And just for your viewing pleasure...and to keep my humility in place, I'm gonna post some pictures here too. Please do not try to make me feel better by telling me, "It's not that bad." I'm really not fishing for compliments, I'm just giving myself a visual reminder that "It's not about me." :)

The family picture that they are going to use in the bulletin.

A close up of me in "the pants" :) On a side note, they are very comfortable :)